Watch What They’re Watching:Children Viewing Adult-targeted TV May Become Sexually Active Earlier In Life
Early onset of sexual activity among teens may relate to the amount of adult content children were exposed to during their childhood, according to a new study released by Children’s Hospital Boston. Based on a longitudinal study tracking children from age six to eighteen, researchers found that the younger children are exposed to content intended for adults in television and movies, the earlier they become sexually active during adolescence. The findings are being presented at the Pediatric Academic Societies meetings on Monday, May 4 in Baltimore.
“Television and movies are among the leading sources of information about sex and relationships for adolescents,” says Hernan Delgado, MD, fellow in the Division of Adolescent/Young Adult Medicine at Children’s Hospital Boston and lead author of the study. “Our research shows that their sexual attitudes and expectations are influenced much earlier in life.”
The study consisted of 754 participants, 365 males and 389 females, who were tracked during two stages in life: first during childhood, and again five years later when their ages ranged from 12 to 18-years-old. At each stage, the television programs and movies viewed, and the amount of time spent watching them over a sample weekday and weekend day were logged. The program titles were used to determine what content was intended for adults. The participants’ onset of sexual activity was then tracked during the second stage.
According to the findings, when the youngest children in the sample–ages 6 to 8-years-old–were exposed to adult-targeted television and movies, they were more likely to have sex earlier when compared those who watched less adult-targeted content. The study found that for every hour the youngest group of children watched adult-targeted content over the two sample days, their chances of having sex during early adolescence increased by 33 percent. Meanwhile, the reverse was not found to be true that is, becoming sexually active in adolescence did not subsequently increase youth’s viewing of adult-targeted television and movies.
“Adult entertainment often deals with issues and challenges that adults face, including the complexities of sexual relationships. Children have neither the life experience nor the brain development to fully differentiate between a reality they are moving toward and a fiction meant solely to entertain,” adds David Bickham, PhD, staff scientist in the Center on Media and Child Health and co-author of the study. “Children learn from media, and when they watch media with sexual references and innuendos, our research suggests they are more likely to engage in sexual activity earlier in life.”
The researchers encourage parents to follow current American Academy of Pediatrics viewing guidelines such as no television in the bedroom, no more than 1 to 2 hours of screen time a day, and to co-view television programs and have an open dialogue about its content with your children. They also suggest that–while the results demonstrate a longitudinal relationship–more research needs be done to understand how media influences children’s growing awareness of human relationships and sexual behavior.
“Adolescent sexual behaviors may be influenced at a younger age, but this is just one area we studied,” adds Dr. Delgado. “We showed how adult media impacts children into adolescence, yet there are a number of other themes in adult television shows and movies, like violence and language, whose influence also needs to be tracked from childhood to adolescence.”
The study was funded by support by grants from the Maternal and Child Health Bureau and the Center on Media and Child Health.
Children’s Hospital Boston is home to the world’s largest research enterprise based at a pediatric medical center, where its discoveries have benefited both children and adults since 1869. More than 500 scientists, including eight members of the National Academy of Sciences, 11 members of the Institute of Medicine and 13 members of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute comprise Children’s research community. Founded as a 20-bed hospital for children, Children’s Hospital Boston today is a 397-bed comprehensive center for pediatric and adolescent health care grounded in the values of excellence in patient care and sensitivity to the complex needs and diversity of children and families. Children’s also is the primary pediatric teaching affiliate of Harvard Medical School.
Source: MedicalNewsToday.com, Children’s Hospital Boston
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Positive Parenting: Your Children Can Catch It From You
A new study that looks at data on three generations of Oregon families shows that “positive parenting” – including factors such as warmth, monitoring children’s activities, involvement, and consistency of discipline – not only has positive impacts on adolescents, but on the way they parent their own children.
In the first study of its kind, David Kerr, assistant professor of psychology at Oregon State University, and project director Deborah Capaldi, and co-authors Katherine Pears and Lee Owen of the Eugene-based Oregon Social Learning Center, examined surveys from 206 boys who were considered “at-risk” for juvenile delinquency. The boys, then in elementary school, and their parents were interviewed and observed, which gave Kerr and colleagues information about how the boys were parented.
Starting in 1984, the boys met with researchers every year from age 9 to 33. As the boys grew up and started their own families, their partners and children began participating in the study. In this way, the researchers learned how the men’s childhood experiences influenced their own parenting.
“This study is especially exciting because we had already identified processes by which risk behaviors and poor parenting may be carried across generations,” Capaldi said. “Professor Kerr has now demonstrated that there is an additional pathway of intergenerational influence via positive parenting and development.”
The study will be published in the September issue of the journal Developmental Psychology in a special issue devoted to findings of some of the few long-term studies of intergenerational family processes. The journal is published by the American Psychological Association.
Kerr said there is often an assumption that people learn parenting methods from their own parents. In fact, he said most research shows that a direct link between what a person experiences as a child and what she or he does as a parent is fairly weak.
“Instead, what we find is that ‘negative’ parenting such as hostility and lack of follow-through leads to ‘negative’ parenting in the next generation not through observation, but by allowing problem behavior to take hold in adolescence,” Kerr said. “For instance, if you try to control your child with anger and threats, he learns to deal in this way with peers, teachers, and eventually his own children. If you do not track where your child is, others will take over your job of teaching him about the world.
“But those lessons may involve delinquency and a lifestyle that is not compatible with becoming a positive parent,” Kerr pointed out.
The researchers’ prior work showed that children who experienced high levels of negative parenting were more likely to be antisocial and delinquent as adolescents. Boys who had these negative characteristics in adolescence more often grew up to be inconsistent and ineffective parents, and to have children with more negative and challenging behaviors.
“We knew that these negative pathways can be very strong,” Kerr said. “What surprised us is how strong positive parenting pathways are as well. Positive parenting is not just the absence of negative influences, but involves taking an active role in a child’s life.”
The researchers found that children who had parents who monitored their behavior, were consistent with rules and were warm and affectionate were more likely to have close relationships with their peers, be more engaged in school, and have better self-esteem.
“So part of what good parenting does is not only protect you against negative behaviors but instill positive connections with others during adolescence that then impact how you relate with your partner and your own child as an adult,” Kerr said
“This research shows that when we think about the value of prevention, we should consider an even wider lens than is typical,” he added. “We see now that changes in parenting can have an effect not just on children but even on grandchildren.”
The study was funded by grants from the National Institute on Drug Abuse and the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.
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Teenage Girls and Bullying Part II: What does it Look Like & What Can We Do?
The friendships women experience in their youth are some of the closest they will have in their lifetime. While these relationships can provide girls with wonderful support and encouragement when they are growing up, they can also be a source of great tension. The importance that girls place on these friendships can lead them to either become distressed over a perceived lack of friends or to accept poor treatment from these ‘friends’. This article will examine the practice of bullying amongst girls.
Until relatively recently, little was written about the negative aspects of girls’ friendships. There appeared to be almost a reluctance to acknowledge that women could be responsible for inflicting pain on other women. The publication of Rachel Simmons‘ Odd Girl Out and Rosalind Wilson’s Queen Bees and Wannabes in 2002, generated discussion on the topic and with it a move towards recognising that girls participate in their own form of bullying.
Whereas bullying amongst boys tends to involve physical or verbal abuse, girls participate in quite different methods. They typically rely on exclusion or the threat of exclusion, creating and perpetuating rumours, non-verbal gestures such as facial expressions and the sabotaging of others’ relationships. Rachel Simmons proposes that girls use these strategies because in our society it is less socially acceptable for them to display physical aggression (1). Girls are expected to be nurturing, kind, quiet and nice to others. Physical aggression is seen as unfeminine. These social expectations result in girls’ aggression being channelled into non-physical, indirect forms.
Bullying occurs predominantly in late primary school or in the first years of secondary school (2). It appears that girls bully for a range of reasons. Some girls may themselves be the subject of bullying or abuse from others. In these cases, becoming a bully may provide them with a release for the emotions they are experiencing. It also provides them with an opportunity to feel powerful and in control. Other girls bully as a way of gaining or maintaining popularity, to relieve boredom, because they believe everyone does it or simply because they think it is fun.
Girls may learn bullying behaviours from their parents, older siblings as well as their peers. Such behaviours are also featured in the television shows, movies and magazines popular with this audience. For example, gossiping, backstabbing, spreading rumours or revealing someone’s secrets form many of the storylines in The O.C. and are actively encouraged in reality shows like Big Brother. If many of the female relationships that girls are presented include elements of bullying this type of behaviour becomes normalised, as just part of ‘being a girl’.
There are two distinct targets of bullying amongst girls, the ‘outsider’ and a member of an immediate circle of friends. The ‘outsider’ is often perceived by her female peers as being different in some way. This difference may relate to a girl’s physical attributes, intellectual level, ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation or socio-economic background. She is generally ostracised by the vast majority of her peers with anyone wanting to be friends made aware that they will also become the subject of bullying. The ‘outsider’ may not just be shunned by people her own age but also by those younger or older than her. As a result she may feel incredibly isolated and alone. Her sense of self worth may become eroded to the extent that she contemplates suicide.
As the ‘outsider’s’ exclusion is so pronounced it is more likely to be recognised by teachers at school who may be able to address the situation to some degree. For example, if the behaviour toward the ‘outsider’ is racially motivated the teacher can reinforce with students the seriousness of making racist remarks. Unfortunately, teachers are not always skilled and/or supported to deal with bullying. Some may dismiss the experience of bullying as simply ‘part of growing up’. In some instances, the teacher may also perceive the ‘outsider’ to be different and participate in the bullying themselves to a degree.
The second target is the girl who is bullied within a circle of friends. Although she may not experience the complete isolation of the ‘outsider’ her experience of being bullied can also be emotionally damaging. The friendship group typically includes one girl in particular who has the majority of the power within the group. Her popularity may be due to attractiveness, wealth or sporting ability. One other member of the group is usually her best friend. The rest of the group consists of girls who want to be the friends of the most popular girl and her best friend. Their status in the group is often precarious, being completely dependent on the other two girls’ current opinion of them. Usually one or two of these girls is selected to be the current ‘favourites’. The remaining girls, therefore, are at risk of becoming the current target for bullying from the rest of the group.
In some cases, the popular girl is not directly involved in the bullying herself. Her power over the others in the group results in them carrying out the bullying on her behalf as a way of proving their loyalty to her. Often the cruelest behaviour comes from one of the girls chosen as a current favourite. As her position is only temporary (she has been the target in the past and will be in the future) she makes the most of her elevated status.
The bullying is often subtle and is largely based on the threat of exclusion from the group. The girl who is targeted may not be invited to social events or is given the silent treatment. Personal details she shared with the popular girls when she was a ‘favourite’ may be disclosed (eg. the name of a boy she likes) or rumours started about her. Her every behaviour, what she says, what she wears, is put under intense scrutiny with any faux pas taken as further evidence she should not really be in the group. The reason for her becoming the target is often not made obvious to her. Not being aware of what she has done leaves the girl scrutinising her own behaviour in an attempt to discover (and rectify) the wrongdoing.
The bullying is often done in a way that makes it difficult for the target to confront the other girls about it. For example, the rest of the group may offer to do her make-up for her before they attend a party. When they deliberately make her look unattractive it is hard for her to challenge them. If she suggests they have not done a good job they will disagree, trying to convince her she looks beautiful. Her complaints may also cause her to say she is ungrateful or ‘up herself’. As a result, the target may begin to question her own beliefs or outlook. She may think to herself, “Maybe the make-up isn’t really that bad”. If she refuses to attend the party she risks being excluded from the friendship group permanently. If she goes to the party she not only risks public humiliation but her compliance may be a further source of irritation to the other girls.
The more popular girls’ power relies on exclusive friendships. If the target has other friends, the threat of being 
expelled from this particular friendship group will be less of a concern. To ensure their position of power the popular girls will often actively discourage any friendships outside the immediate friendship group. This might be achieved by ridiculing any activities a girl participates in that do not include members of the immediate group (ie. band, sporting team, part time work). Existing friendships may be deliberately sabotaged through the spread of gossip or rumours (eg. telling a girl’s outside friend/s that she said something negative about them). The result is limited opportunities for the girl to form other friendships (and therefore keeping them dependent on the immediate friendship group).
When a girl is the target of her friendship group’s bullying she will typically feel worried and anxious as well as alone. Having the people she admires and thinks of as her friends turn on her can be devastating. But why would someone tolerate this kind of behaviour towards them? It seems that for some girls belonging to a friendship group is of such importance they are willing to be part of a group that is damaging than not be in one at all (3). As the target of bullying within the group changes the girls can also choose to overlook the times they are bullied for those when they are a favourite.
The bullying that occurs within a circle of friends often goes unnoticed by both parents and teachers. Unlike with the ‘outsider’ where the girl’s aloneness often alerts people to a problem, the girl being bullied by those in an immediate friendship group appears to belong to a social group. For example, during lunch breaks and in class she has other girls she sits together with rather than being on her own. The alternation between being the target and being a chosen favourite also makes detection difficult.
Cyberbullying
Communicating via the internet or mobile phone plays an important role in young women’s lives. Unfortunately, these technology platforms are also being used in bullying. Cyberbullying includes the use of email, mobile phone, text messaging, instant messaging and websites to bully others (4). Cyberbullying is a concern as it increases the length of time the target can be bullied for. Previously, a girl might have been targeted during school but upon arriving home she found some relief. The use of technologies like text messaging and emails, however, means the bullying is extended way beyond the school gates. The ease with which one can set up an email address with an invented name or a website also provides the bullies with a greater degree of anonymity. This anonymity can result in the escalation of bullying as there is less chance they will be detected. The bully may set up a website containing false, derogatory information about the target and email others the site address. If the site has been created within Yahoo or the equivalent it may be difficult for the target to have it removed. For those being bullied, the use of a platform like a website is incredibly distressing as the scale of humiliation is potentially far greater-anyone in the world with internet access can view the site.
Technology also provides girls with an extremely effective method of exclusion. Whispers may have been used in the past, but exclusion can now take the form of sending a text message to everyone but the target or not sharing the password to an instant messaging group. As friendship groups typically communicate for considerable periods of time after school, the target can feel very left out and anxious about what is being discussed in her absence.
Short and long term consequences of bullying
Previously, bullying was often thought of as part of growing up, to be endured and even as something that was ‘character building’. Little sympathy tended to be given to those who were bullied. It is now recognised, however, that bullying is not an acceptable practice and that it can have both short and long term effects.
In the short term, bullying can seriously impact on a girl’s academic success. She may start to miss school in an effort to avoid the bullying that is occurring. When she attends it is difficult for her to focus adequately on her school work. A girl who is being bullied might develop physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches and nausea, which can all interfere with her learning capabilities. If academic achievement is one of the triggers for being bullied a girl may also deliberately under-achieve to fit in. In addition, choosing subjects based on what their friends are doing rather than what might be required for their desired career can seriously limit a girl’s potential.
The need to prove she is part of the group may lead to a girl’s participation in illegal activities such as under-age drinking, illicit drug taking, shoplifting or vandalism. She may also behave uncharacteristically, doing things she knows are irresponsible and that her parent/s have warned her about (eg. getting into a car driven by a drunk driver, going to a house when she doesn’t know the occupants).
In the long term, bullying can impact on the way girls perceive themselves and their relationships with others. Most obviously, girls who have experienced bullying have low self esteem and lack in confidence. They are also at higher risk of anxiety disorders, depression and self-harm (5). They may find it difficult to establish friendships with women in their adult life, preferring male friendships. The behaviours that a girl experiences in her friendship group may also place her at greater risk of domestic violence. Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out comments: “if we do not teach girls early on to know and resist these dynamics, we may be permitting the groundwork to be laid for violence in their adult lives” (6). As in the friendship group, a woman in a violent relationship begins to distrust her own judgment (ie. maybe her partner does really love her) and focuses on her possible wrongdoings as a way of avoiding future conflict. She is also discouraged from maintaining contact with others (family and friends). The threat of exclusion (in this case ending the relationship) is used by her partner as a means of control.
Bullying is not restricted to childhood/adolescence as the same behaviours are often carried through into workplaces. Workplace bullying appears to be more common in the fields of health and community services, education and public administration. At particular risk are those who are casual or temporary workers and those in apprenticeships and trainee positions (7).
Solutions
The first step is recognising the seriousness of bullying amongst girls and not dismissing it as a ‘rite of passage’. There are a number of different strategies which schools and parents can put in place to reduce the risk of bullying.
Schools
Schools can develop a policy on bullying which includes the forms of bullying utilised by girls (exclusion, rumours etc). The policy should describe the types of behaviours that will not be accepted and clearly outline the process for making a complaint about such behaviours. The development of a school bullying policy should be supported by education on the topic for staff, students and parents. The topic of bullying can also be incorporated into the school’s curriculum. For example, students could be asked to read fiction in which bullying is an aspect or to write a play incorporating a storyline on bullying. Banning or limiting the use of mobile phones and email during school hours can help reduce the incidence of cyberbullying. The ‘Bullying. No Way!’ website (see websites section) provides a ‘strategies map’ to assist schools in developing a safer, more inclusive school community.
Parents
Some parents may be oblivious to their daughter being the subject of bullying. This is particularly the case if it is coming from within her friendship group. Signs to look out for are mood changes (sadness, irritability, anger, withdrawal), change in academic performance, reluctance to attend school or other events with peers and ill health (headaches, stomach aches, nausea). When a parent discovers their daughter is being bullied they may react in a number of ways. Some parents find it difficult to comprehend and, therefore, the solutions they offer appear simplistic. For example, the advice to ‘find some new friends’ seems like an obvious solution to a parent but it merely demonstrates to their daughter they do not really understand the situation. Other parents may actually feel a sense of embarrassment that their daughter is unpopular. Their advice may tend to blame the daughter for the bullying (eg. “If you just lost some weight…”).
Rachel Simmons suggests the best thing a parent can do is to actively listen to their daughter (8). Finding out what she is being subjected to, the people involved, length of time it has been going on and to whom, if anyone, has she spoken about it, is a good start. Parents can then ask their daughter if they have any strategies of their own and what role they wish them to play. Some girls might just require someone to talk to while others might want their parents to approach a trusted teacher or the school.
It is also helpful if parents try to understand and empathise with their daughter’s need to fit in. This is often difficult for parents as they perceive it as a threat to their daughter’s individuality. Even though they may disagree with people being judged by what their wear or how they style their hair this does not stop it from being a reality in their daughter’s life. As Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes, explains: “Adolescence is a beauty pageant. Even if your daughter doesn’t want to be a contestant, others will look at her as if she is. In Girl World, everyone is automatically entered” (8). This does not mean, however, that parents should give in to their daughter’s every whim. Rather, it means not dismissing their desires as foolish (“Who would pay that for a pair of jeans!”) and not always judging their choices by your criteria (yes, the other pair of shoes might last longer but longevity is not a high priority with adolescent girls). Efforts should be made to accommodate at least some of their requests. If cost is an issue parents can suggest for their daughter to get a part-time job, share the expense or request they do extra chores for a period of time.
A further strategy to reduce the likelihood of bullying is to encourage a daughter’s involvement in activities attended by girls other than those in her immediate friendship group. If she is the subject of bullying from her friendship group her interaction with other peers will provide her with an alternative perspective (ie. not everyone dislikes her). If some of her needs can be fulfilled from other peer relationships she will feel less dependent on the immediate friendship group.
Lastly, parents should remember that their own behaviour may model bullying tactics. If they say things about people behind their back, share gossip and give their partner the silent treatment they are suggesting that these behaviours are legitimate and acceptable.
Websites/Helplines
Bullying. No way!
http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/default.shtml
This website was established by Education Queensland in collaboration with school authorities from the Commonwealth, State and Territory governments and Catholic and independent sectors. The website enables school communities, individual students, carers and staff to exchange ideas and useful strategies to combat bullying, violence, harassment and discrimination.
Kids Helpline
1800 55 1800
http://www.kidshelp.com.au
Kids Helpline is a free, confidential and anonymous, 24-hour telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged between five and 18. Bullying is the fourth most common reason young people seek help from Kids Helpline. In addition to providing counselling support, Kids Helpline’s website has a section on bullying which includes strategies and further sources of information http://www.kidshelp.com.au/template/standard.aspx?s=167&p=105&r=2&b=1
References
- Simmons, R. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls Melbourne: Schwartz 2002; 20-21
- Kids Helpline. Infosheet 7: Bullying http://www.kidshelp.com.au/upload/4038.pdf. [website] date accessed: 14 January 2005.
- Simmons, R. Ibid; 54
- Belsey, B. http://www.cyberbullying.ca/ [website] date accessed: 14 January 2005
- Kids Helpline. Bullying-Everybody’s Business http://www.kidshelp.com.au/template/standard.aspx?s=167 [website] date accessed: 19 January 2005
- Simmons, R. Ibid; 161
- Queensland Government. Report of the Queensland Government Workplace Bullying Taskforce Report http://www.whs.qld.gov.au/taskforces/bullying/bullyingreport.pdf [website] date accessed: 12 January 2005; 16
- Simmons, R. Ibid; 232
- Wiseman, R. Queen Bees and Wannabes London: Piatkus 2002; 77
Source Queensland Health
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Landmark US study finds Australia’s Triple P-Positive Parenting program lowers child abuse injuries and fosters placements
This news article from the University Of Queensland News pages is very exciting, as I was involved in the original research of the efficacy of Triple P as a graduate student in the early ’90’s!
A landmark US study has found that The University of Queensland’s Triple P – Positive Parenting Program can significantly lower rates of child abuse injuries and foster care placements when offered to parents community-wide.
Results of the five-year study, which was funded by the prestigious Center for Disease Control and Prevention and led by Dr Ron Prinz at the University of South Carolina, were published today in the online edition of the Prevention Science journal.
Professor Matthew Sanders
It is the first large-scale study to show that providing all families – not just families at risk – with access to proven parenting information and support can reduce rates of child maltreatment.
The study found that making Triple P available to all parents led to significantly lower rates of confirmed child abuse, fewer out-of-home placements and fewer hospitalisations from child abuse injuries, when compared to communities without access to Triple P.
Researchers estimate for every 100,000 children under the age of eight, the results could translate annually into 688 fewer cases of child maltreatment, 240 fewer children in care and 60 fewer children being admitted to hospital or emergency departments with abuse injuries.
Study co-author, UQ’s Professor Matt Sanders said the research added to the already-strong evidence base of Triple P.
“We already know Triple P can alleviate parents’ stress and depression and help prevent and reduce child emotional and behavioural problems,” said Professor Sanders, who is the founder of Triple P and director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at The University of Queensland.
“But this research shows that by providing all parents – not just those at risk – with parenting support through evidence-based programs, we can have a major impact on child maltreatment.
“We can hold back the growth in child abuse, keep kids out of foster care and in their own homes and see fewer injured children in hospitals.”
The US study was conducted in 18 counties in South Carolina, nine of which were chosen randomly to receive Triple P. Parents of children from birth to 12 years could easily access Triple P information through a variety of methods, include mainstream media, brief public seminars and trained counsellors at clinics, schools, churches and community centres.
“We would expect similar results in Australia if all families here were offered easy access to Triple P.
“Parents are looking for practical solutions to parenting problems that work,” Professor Sanders said.
The CDC chose Triple P as its preferred parenting method for the study because of its solid evidence base and its flexibility for parents seeking support.
Triple P was developed at The University of Queensland by Professor Sanders and colleagues and is based on 30 years’ clinical research. The program is now used by governments and health authorities in 17 countries – The United States, England, Scotland, Ireland, Canada, Sweden, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Iran, Japan, Germany, Belgium, Singapore, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Curacao and Australia
(Sourced from http://www.uq.edu.au/news/)
Harry Potter Parenting: “Geek Dad” on Tips Embedded in the Tomes
I love reading Geek Dad’s blog at Wired.com. If you haven’t caught up with the jottings of Kevin Makice (www.wired.com/geekdad) make sure you do so soon. Once you’ve read his lighthearted and insightful parenting posts, you’ll more than likely add him to your favorites. As this blog is about resources as much as it is about rants, I’ve taken the liberty of reposting his latest offering below. I’ve done this because it’s timely, it’s humorous, it’s wise and…It’s Harry. Enjoy!
Harry Potter
The sixth film in the Harry Potter series—Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince—enjoyed a record-setting Wednesday opening, netting $22.2 million to top The Dark Knight’s $18.5 million in 2008. Once again, we are transported to J. K. Rowling’s magical world of wizards, monsters, and the wisdom of Headmaster Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. As much as his students at Hogwarts, we parents are enchanted by how relevant his words are to our own struggles, particularly those surrounding raising our Muggles. Here are five such gems and the parenting themes they inspire.
SPOILER WARNING: Although I’ve restricted the content to the first five novels (so, no Half-Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows), some information below might reveal plot points to anyone who has never read the books nor seen the previous movies.
The Truth is a Beautiful and Terrible Thing
After Harry survived his encounter with Professor Quirrel in Philosopher’s Stone, Dumbledore told the young wizard to be cautious with the truth. As parents, we play around with evolving notions of truth all the time. Whether it’s perpetuating a childlike belief in a generous fat man or choosing to explain birth and death in different ways as kids grow up, the spirit of what is true is linked to what is necessary and what is helpful.
For kids, however, truth is who they are, sometimes painfully so. (Even when they do lie, they’re truthful about it.) Kids say the darndest things. My wife once shattered the passenger-side mirror pulling out of a driveway into a mailbox, leaving the mailbox in similar shape. Several weeks later, our then 3-year-old son noticed another damaged mailbox and speculated, “Our car must have been there.” Multiply that by every time toddlers walk by someone who has an undesirable physical feature, and it’s easy to recognize the terrible in truth.
Fear of a Name Increases Fear of the Thing Itself
The main bad guy in Harry Potter mythology is Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Riddle, aka He Who Must Not Be Named. So scary is this dude, the mere mention of his name turns pink cheeks white. Dumbledore, though, encourages Harry to use his proper name. The corollary to that advice is that we shouldn’t put too much power in a label.
In her book When the Labels Don’t Fit, clinical social worker Barbara Probst describes ways to reject disease-based labels of children in favor of identifying the unmet needs influencing their behavior. In an interview, Probst said many parents run from label to label, looking for one that works, but their kids are not really helped by that. Most behavioral plans reward a child for not meeting his needs. Just as Dumbledore wanted to make Voldemort less threatening by using his name (ok, he’s still evil), we can limit the prescriptive damage that labels do by treating each child as someone with a fundamental goodness who is struggling to make sense of the world.
We All Face the Choice Between What is Right and What is Easy
Dumbledore defied the Ministry of Magic by supporting Harry’s claim that the popular Cedric Diggory died at the hand of Voldemort in Goblet of Fire. Cedric becomes a cautionary tale for how dangerous HWMNBN can be, whether or not he’s called by name. In eulogizing the boy, Dumbledore makes a distinction between right and easy. That also describes the difficulties of remaining engaged with your child during a tantrum, either hers or yours.
When someone is angry or upset, emotions dominate the moment. That person can’t hear rational arguments or respond in ways they would otherwise. It is much easier to separate yourself from the child with a bedroom door than stay in the room with him, where you have to hear the noise. It is much easier to justify some snippy retort or bark an order than it is to continue to communicate effectively with those emotions flying around the room. Eventually, calmer heads do prevail, but it is important for both parent and child to stay present as that journey takes place.
The Best of Us Must Sometimes Eat Our Words
When the Headmaster toyed with Ron Weasley about his expulsion in Chamber of Secrets, Dumbledore reminded us all that even adults aren’t perfect. In fact, the mistakes we make and the failures we display can become some of our best parenting opportunities.
Parenting is a lot like social media in this sense. It’s one thing for people to hate Comcast. It’s quite another to see how Frank Eliason responds to those kinds of messages and the effect it has on his customers. When we make mistakes as parents, eating our words models how we can deal with the gaffes we make. Teaching kids to respectfully disagree and compromise—traits most parents covet in their offspring—requires that we be willing to do the same.
Old Men are Guilty if They Forget What it Was to Be Young
In the Order of the Phoenix, Harry gets an apology from Dumbledore for his part in manipulating Harry’s dangerous path to power, observing that while young people have never experienced age, old men have simply forgotten what it’s like to be young. The old wizard isn’t alone. Being older and wiser, we parents are sometimes so far removed from our experiences as kids we can be blind to the perspective of our children. We listen to them talk about their feelings (in those rare moments of sharing) and then tell them they don’t feel that way. We watch them play and hear the noise instead of the story.
My eldest inhaled all of my Calvin & Hobbes comics, which was one of my favorite strips as a teenager. Until my son started narrating our interactions in the voice of Spaceman Spiff, I had always identified with Calvin. Now, I’m the Dad, wanting to tell him to quit throwing things at me instead of playfully dodging the Death Ray Blaster, in character as a Zealous Zarch. In these situations, it is like someone cast Obliviate on me and removed my childhood.
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About Peter
Peter Brown BHMS (Hons) MPsychClin MAPS
I’m a Clinical Psychologist and have a private practice and consultancy in Brisbane Australia. I have 24 years experience in child, adult and family clinical psychology. I have a wonderful wife and three kids.
I am co-founder of Christian Wholeness Counselling Services.
I like researching issues of the brain & mind, reading and seeking out new books and resources for myself and my clients. I thought that others might be interested in some of what I have found also, hence this blog…
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